HIS...not MINE

Sometimes it is really hard to accept the things that I say like, "All in God's timing." I want to believe that, but quite honestly, I like my timing much better. Don't we all? I've already seen God work his timing perfectly in my life in just 31 years, you would think by now that I would get it. I want to, I try to, but to be honest, it stinks sometimes.

 I feel like we talk about our son as if he will be home with us in a few weeks. We talk about Brother with our kids and pray over him. Dixie keeps asking when we are going to get him and if she can come. We wear Brother's t-shirt. It feels like he should be here with us, having dinner at the table, swinging in the backyard, bunking up with Knox. We are in full force adoption paperwork mode, and my heart is just in full force "Bring my son home" mode. Three years seems like such a long time away. Such a long time to ache for and love a child that you have never seen. A child that you wonder where he is, what he is thinking, what he is doing, what he is enduring.

I know that God is refining me through this process, because here I am 5 months in and already I am struggling with faith, patience, trust, understanding, frustration. There is but only one place to turn and that is to the source of ultimate comfort, my Father. So thankful for his Word and how it brings peace and answers to my weary heart.

Psalm 37:4 says "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart."

My son is a desire in my heart and I know that my desire is from God, for he laid it there. I know that he will bring him to us one day. In the mean time, I must focus on my joy and delight coming from God, because my circumstances, this process, even a child will at some point disappoint. But true delight comes from him.

Ecclesiastes 3:11 says "He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end."

God's timing is so hard, like I said. It is hard to push through, hard not to ask "Why does this take soooo long?" hard not to doubt. But I believe his word to be true and his track record has proven good time and time again.

I think I have mentioned this one before, but I love it!

1Thessalonians 5:24 says "He who calls you is faithful! HE will SURELY do it."

Hmmm...HE will do it. Not me, not our social worker, not our agency, HE will do it. Sure, we all play our role, but this is HIS plan, HIS child, HIS story. And there you have it...what else do I need?

Well, I need prayer. Because while I find rest in His promises, I still struggle with my flesh some days. I still want control most days and according to me, the sooner my son gets here the better. So, if you are willing, I would love your prayers.

 Prayer for patience. Prayer to not get aggravated with this lengthy process. Prayer to be faithful in drenching myself in his word. Prayer that our home study actually gets complete by the end of the month. Prayer for his continued financial provision. Prayer for my heart. Prayer for our son. Shall I go on...ha! That's a lot of prayer I know and I know that I will be asking for it a lot throughout this process. I am so thankful for those of you who cry out to the Lord on our behalf.

Thanks for sticking around through the good/happy posts and the posts when i am just laying my ugly out there. This road is already proving to be long and bumpy, but I know that when we get to the end of it, what a sweet road trip it will have been. Thanks for coming along for the ride. And what is a road trip without music? This song is my desire, to fully worship him while I'm waiting....