April 1, 2014 update

Today we received our monthly update. I fully expected to scroll down and see the same wait list number as every other month. I did a double take and even e-mailed the agency to make sure it was not a typo. We did see some significant movement, however, there was only one family matched with a waiting child in March, but other than that, no new referrals were given last month. So, while I am glad to bump down the wait list, the fact that there were still no new referrals is looming over me and every other parent who is waiting.

Also, we were informed by our case worker that our home study expires in July. No biggie, we will just update it (totally expected). Well, turns out a new law has been implemented that requires international adoption home studies to be done by a Hague Accredited agency. The agency we used last year, was not Hague Accredited, which means we need to find a new agency to do our update (totally not expected). While that is not ideal, it can be done.

So yesterday, I emailed the new agency and got a quick and friendly response. Yes, they can help, but unfortunately it cannot be simply "updated"since it is from another agency. We will have to do a completely NEW home study and it will cost us around $3000. I read those words and my heart sank a little, ok a lot. That means that our home study that we worked so hard on last year is no longer good enough. Yet another road block on this journey.

My head starts to spin at the thought of all that paperwork again, all that money. My temples tighten and I am whisked away into worry and doubt. I stayed awake for several hours last night as I thought about paperwork and fundraisers. The break from all of it was so good, but there is no more time for rest. I finally made myself go to bed and prayed that God would give me a sense of peace, a sense of direction.

I woke up with a deep thirst for the Word. Most days I wake up with a deep thirst to hit the snooze button. I pulled my tired body out of bed and found myself in Psalm 143:

vs 5-8:

"I remember the days of long ago;
I meditate on all your works
and consider what your hands have done.
I spread my hands to you;
my soul thirsts for you like a parched land

Answer, me quickly, O Lord;
my spirit fails.
Do not hide your face from me
or I will be like those who go down to the pit
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I lift up my soul."

I am reminded that I am not the only one who has struggled with figuring out God's plan. I am reassured that God hears me, he knows where my heart is right now. While I keep begging him to just write out the answers in the clouds (I mean He is God after all), I know that when He is ready, He will reveal to us what needs to be revealed. For now, I am learning (or trying to at least) to spread my hands wide open, ready and willing to receive whatever He has for us, whatever path He wants us to walk down. I think about how faithful God has been in the past and I know he will continue to be faithful. That doesn't mean that I will always understand him or his ways, but He is working. He is working in my life, and he is working in this adoption. For now, my prayer is simply this:  "Show me the way I should go Lord, for to you I lift up my soul."

We so appreciate your prayers as we continue to walk this out. You can pray specifically for the following:

-Ethiopian Government to start processing paperwork on these children

-For all of the kids stuck in the system waiting for paperwork. There is a great need for adoption, but without paperwork, there is nothing we can do to meet that need.

-For God to be clear with what direction He wants us to take and for us to be open and receptive to His leading.

-For my heart. I am frustrated and aching for some peace in this.

-For God's provision as we now have to raise more money than we initially thought.

-And always for our boy: protection, health, favor and a sense of God's love with him.

* Also, I will be raising the amount of money that we need to raise on our thermometer to reflect these recent changes. There was actually another increase in fees with our placing agency that I will explain in another blog post. We just found out about it today along with our new wait list number.

Thankful in the Tough Stuff

I have been an emotional mess lately. When we started this process over a year ago, I knew it would be hard, but I never anticipated it being this emotionally draining. I never anticipated being so high on a wait list and moving 1 spot in 4 months. Now, we were warned that things would not likely go as planned, but I guess I thought they would go at least a little closer to my plan. Silly me!

It seems as if there is no end in sight some days. I am fine waiting for 2 or 3 years if progress was being made. But with nothing happening lately in the referral department, I can't help but be upset and confused about if we took the right path. There is nothing we can do, nothing our agency can do. It lies in the hands of a foreign government and that is frustrating my friends!

Yesterday was one of those days, one of those days where I could not help but let the emotions run out of my tear ducts. My whole body ached and I felt like I was coming down with the flu because honestly, I am exhausted. Exhausted emotionally, exhausted mentally and sometimes exhausted spiritually. We KNOW God called us to adoption and we KNOW He is pruning us through this process but oh my it is tough.

I sat at the kitchen table last night with my husband, my face in my hands and just cried. Cried because I feel so helpless, so confused, so unsure about our direction. My husband, gentle and reassuring, looked at me with compassion and said, "We are ok. We have so much to be thankful for. We aren't the ones having to decide if we should give our child up for adoption or not, we are the ones who are alive and healthy wanting to adopt." That man, he always knows just what to say. He calms me! He was so right. Shout out to God for blessing me with a husband who knows how to handle me and speaks TRUTH to my weary heart.

Adoption comes from such a place of heartache and despair. The birth parents, the children, they are the ones who truly go through the trenches. I am not saying that I do not have the right to feel what I am feeling, because this is seriously the hardest thing I have EVER been through and I know our deep trenches will come when our child is home and we are dealing with the ramifications of the past! But, sometimes I get so wrapped up in how I am feeling that I forget to be thankful, even for this situation that we are in today.

Today, I am not having to decide if I should give my child up because I cannot afford to take care of them, today I am not on my death bed with HIV saying goodbye to my children, today I am not jumping from foster home to foster home praying for stability and love, today I am not enduring abuse or neglect or malnutrition. Today, I am simply waiting to love on someone who may be going through those situations themselves or seeing their parents go through them in some form or another.

I opened up Jesus Calling today and read this:

"Casually despising my sovereignty"...ouch! I know God is sovereign and his timing and plan will prevail, but I am guilty of this one peeps!

While my emotions are running high because we are trying to seek direction and guidance from HIM and that is HARD sometimes, I am thankful! I am thankful because I know my God is faithful! He will give us peace, he will guide our steps, he will place the child who needs to be in our home, in our home. I cannot imagine going through this or any other hard place in life without God. My relationship with him is what I cling to in times like this.

Hebrews 6:19 says:
"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure."

I know that no matter what, no matter how this adoption turns out, my hope is in the Lord and I want to glorify him despite circumstance and emotion.  I am firm and secure in knowing that as we continue to seek him for direction, HE IS THERE. I cannot promise that I won't have any more emotional melt downs. In fact, I can pretty much guarantee you that I will. Oh, this road ahead is still so long. But,  I know He holds every tear drop in his hands (Psalm 56:8), and some days, I am just thankful for being able to cry and release some of these emotions I am feeling.

Today, I am choosing to be thankful. Thankful that he called us to adoption, thankful that he is growing and changing my heart to look more like his, thankful that I have to be fully dependent on him because there is no way I could make it through this without him (and my husband). Being thankful is a choice, one that I have to sometimes sit and ponder on, but when I focus on the gratitude, my perspective changes and joy wells up inside.

So, what about you? What are you thankful for?

FAQ: Do you know who your child is?

I get asked this question a lot. It would seem like since we have been walking this journey for over a year now, we would know WHO we are adopting. I am sure that because I say "my boy" "our son", etc, it gives the idea that we have seen this child's face before, know a little of his history. But, we have not seen him and hold no information on who he is or where he is. The way this process works is that once all of your paperwork is complete (ours took 11 months to finish), you are placed on a waiting list. The waiting list is for a referral of a child who falls into the parameters you have listed that you are wishing to adopt. For us, that is a boy, anywhere between the ages of 0-6.

How long must we wait to see who our son will be? Well, that is a tough question to answer. Our agency has told us that there is around a 2 year wait from the time we got on the wait list (December of 2013) until we could potentially get matched with a child. That time frame can change. Lately, things have slowed down BIG TIME in Ethiopia as far as processing paperwork in country goes. I foresee our wait actually being longer than 2 years at this rate. When we started this adoption journey, I would have never imagined that it would take this long, but it is what it is and we are trying to just roll with it. As mentioned before, every month as referrals are given to families at the top of the wait list, we move closer to the top. Some moths there are a few referrals and some months, like lately, there are none. The first of the month is always filled with anticipation to see if we have made any progress on the wait list.

Although we do not know who he is, what he looks like, or where he is, we still love him. We love him because God has already placed him in our hearts. He started in 2012 carving out a place for this little guy and our love only grows stronger over time as we pursue and wait for him. We anxiously await the day that we will open the computer screen and see his face, the face that already has a place in this family. I know that once we do see him, my heart will just burst with even more love as I lay my eyes on the little boy who we have prayed over and called Brother for so long. Oh, how I long for that day!

Matilda Jane Trunk Show

My sweet friend Laura has been walking this adoption journey alongside me since almost the very beginning. She and her husband are in the process of adopting a precious little girl from China. In fact they leave next month to bring their sweet Emily Hope home. I am over the moon excited for them! They recently met their fundraising goal and Laura wanted to do something to help us raise a little more money towards ours. I know, so amazingly thoughtful, especially since they are busy getting ready for Emily. I love this girl's heart.

A couple weeks ago she sent me a message saying that she was having a Matilda Jane Trunk show at her house and that Nikki Voelkel, the wonderful Trunk Keeper, was willing to donate 25% of the proceeds from the sale towards our adoption fund. I loved this for so many reasons:

1) Matilda Jane is my favorite little girl's line of clothes...so cute!

2) Laura did all of the planning for this, she did it at her house & invited her friends. I only passed on the invite to some friends I thought might be interested. LOVE that there was no pressure on me to fundraise for now. I didn't even have to show up to the party if I didn't want to (but of course I did).

3) Nikki was willing to be generous enough to donate some of the proceeds to us, even though I had never met her. Now she is part of our son's story and I made a new friend:)

4) Despite Laura having so much on her plate already with her own adoption, she made it a point to go out of her way for our family. Not only does she love her orphan, she loves ours too.

The Trunk show was a 3 hour open house and I am so excited to say that $250 was raised towards our adoption! Thank you to everyone who came out and purchased some adorable clothing and to those who purchased online because you couldn't be there. Thank you Laura for coming up with this idea and being willing to host and put it together on your own. Thank you Nikki for being so generous with your business. You ladies are WONDERFUL! Our fundraising meter is now up to: $17,068 YAY!!!!

Here are a few pictures from the day:

                                                       "Which dress do you like better?"

Laura and I. So thankful for this friendship!

Getting some shopping done while the kids play.

The cutest rack of clothes. That's Matilda Jane.

If you are interested in checking out Matilda Jane, you can visit the website HERE. Put in Nikki's Trunk Keeper ID to order (#368). Or e-mail Nikki at nikkiv@matildajaneclothing.com if you would like to host a Trunk Show or have any questions.

Heart Shaped Sprinkle Pancakes

As I laid out 3 little hearts with my kid's names on them and a small treat for them to open Valentines morning, and as I plated up heart shaped pancakes with sprinkles, I felt an ache. I wondered how many more Valentines will pass before our 4th child will be at the table, smiling and laughing with his siblings as syrup makes a sticky mess across his face. When will I get to write his name on a little foam heart? I am cherishing the moments that I have with my kids now, watching them grow right before my eyes, each moment precious and passing. I know that God has us as a family of 5 for this season for a reason. I especially remember that when my littlest is screaming for me to hold her ALL DAY and the big two are fighting. But there is an evident ache, a void, a piece of my heart that is waiting for our 4th child.

Dixie asks me "When are we going to Ethiopia to get brother?", Knox points it out on the globe. They pray over brother at night. I look around sometimes and I count my kids because someone is clearly missing,  1...2...3... They are all here. I am not going crazy...maybe I am! Then I realize, it is him, my heart already considers him one of my kids. 

While this adoption is not about me or Evan or how long we have to WAIT for a child, some days it is hard. Hard to think where he is, what he is going through, how much I want to show him unconditional love and security. It's hard because as a mom, you naturally just want to give those things to your child and right now, I just can't.

Despite the wait, I am glad that God continues to put this compassion, desire and love in my heart for our boy now. That with time, the ache grows deeper and deeper as I become closer to becoming his mother and him my son. All I have to offer at this point are my prayers to God on behalf of our child and on behalf of my aching heart. I can offer my willingness to lay aside my expectations on what this adoption should look like and just trust God's timing. He has a plan, he has a purpose. He sees our boy and he knows. He knows right where he is, exactly what he is facing and he loves him more than I ever could. He continues to grow this mama's heart, to make me realize that even though I ache, he can fill my ache, even though I cry, he can dry my tears, even when I love, he can make me love deeper. Now that is something worth celebrating...perhaps with some heart shaped sprinkle pancakes:)


Ecclesiastes 3:1 "There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens."

Isaiah 55:9 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts. neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts."

Where in the World is our Adoption Tee at? Post #21

I realized I never posted this picture that I received via text after Thanksgiving. This precious family, the Robins, went on a cruise and made sure to wear our shirts all on the same day and take a family picture. Here they are in Cozumel, Mexico representing. How cute are they? I love this so much! Every time I see someone wearing our shirts, it reminds me how loved and supported we are and how the message of the orphan crisis is getting out to people.

The Robins attend our church, Bridge Church,  and are so sweet and always willing to help anyone out. Melissa is gorgeous and hysterical. I love hanging out with her. She is super crafty and makes BEAUTIFUL jewelry (she donated some to our auction). She also cuts hair, so she is Knox's fro tamer. In fact the fro is getting tamed this week. Thank you Melissa, I was about to bust out the clippers and shave that boys head. Lucky for him, the curls will be saved.

Eugene is an awesome mechanic and has his own business in Slidell for just that and selling pre-owned cars. In fact this man is responsible for finding me my mini van, and if you know me, that means he made me the happiest momma in the world..no seriously...I LOVE my van! It represents things I hold dear to me: family, obnoxious amounts of cheerios and animal crackers crushed into the floorboard (ok maybe not that), 3 car seats (still room for 1 more) and empty pj's chai cups. On that note, I probably need to go clean it out. Anyway, if you need your car repaired or are in the market to get a pre-owned one, check out Slidell Autoplex.

We cannot forget about those beautiful children either. They are sweethearts and adorable. This family is just AWESOME! We love you Robin Family! Thank you for supporting our adoption and our family. 

****We still have plenty of kid's shirts left for $15 each if anyone wants one. If you bought one for you, don't forget to get your little one a shirt to match. It is a great chance to be able to talk to them about orphan care and how they can make a difference. My kids LOVE wearing Brother's shirt. Just send me a message through our FB page or an email at angiemcginty@gmail.com for size info.

A New Year of Waiting

Happy New Year everyone! Last month I shared that we had officially made it onto the long wait list for a referral. Also, that each month, as referrals were given, we would inch closer and closer to the bottom of the list, which meant closer and closer to a referral for a child.  Oh what joy it was to be on that list FINALLY! I also said that I would update you all each month as we got a new wait list number (I was so excited to share a cute little number with you all each month).

Unfortunately, we are longer going to be able to do that. Our placing agency has recently requested that families in process no longer share case specific information on social media. I apologize for the false advertising. I will say that the wait is long guys! LOOOOOONG! With  many new policies being put into place in Ethiopia, it seems as though our wait may even increase from what we were originally told. There is nothing that we can do about this, but wait and pray!

This past week, there were rumors that Ethiopia was attempting to shut down international adoption. While that does not seem to be the case as of now, we just never know what the future holds with a foreign government. There have not been many referrals recently due to a slow down in processing paperwork on the Ethiopia end.  For now, during this period of waiting, we ask that you pray for Ethiopia, pray that they stay opened to International adoption, pray that referrals pick up, pray for the families who are waiting, pray for the children who need loving families, pray for the birth parents of these children. Pray for our son.

We look forward to all of the ways that God will move in this adoption process in the new year. We know he will continue to grow and stretch us, even during this long season of "waiting." Thanks for waiting alongside of us.



While I'm Waiting from John Waller on Myspace.