Also, we were informed by our case worker that our home study expires in July. No biggie, we will just update it (totally expected). Well, turns out a new law has been implemented that requires international adoption home studies to be done by a Hague Accredited agency. The agency we used last year, was not Hague Accredited, which means we need to find a new agency to do our update (totally not expected). While that is not ideal, it can be done.
So yesterday, I emailed the new agency and got a quick and friendly response. Yes, they can help, but unfortunately it cannot be simply "updated"since it is from another agency. We will have to do a completely NEW home study and it will cost us around $3000. I read those words and my heart sank a little, ok a lot. That means that our home study that we worked so hard on last year is no longer good enough. Yet another road block on this journey.
My head starts to spin at the thought of all that paperwork again, all that money. My temples tighten and I am whisked away into worry and doubt. I stayed awake for several hours last night as I thought about paperwork and fundraisers. The break from all of it was so good, but there is no more time for rest. I finally made myself go to bed and prayed that God would give me a sense of peace, a sense of direction.
I woke up with a deep thirst for the Word. Most days I wake up with a deep thirst to hit the snooze button. I pulled my tired body out of bed and found myself in Psalm 143:
vs 5-8:
"I remember the days of long ago;
I meditate on all your works
and consider what your hands have done.
I spread my hands to you;
my soul thirsts for you like a parched land
Answer, me quickly, O Lord;
my spirit fails.
Do not hide your face from me
or I will be like those who go down to the pit
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I lift up my soul."
I am reminded that I am not the only one who has struggled with figuring out God's plan. I am reassured that God hears me, he knows where my heart is right now. While I keep begging him to just write out the answers in the clouds (I mean He is God after all), I know that when He is ready, He will reveal to us what needs to be revealed. For now, I am learning (or trying to at least) to spread my hands wide open, ready and willing to receive whatever He has for us, whatever path He wants us to walk down. I think about how faithful God has been in the past and I know he will continue to be faithful. That doesn't mean that I will always understand him or his ways, but He is working. He is working in my life, and he is working in this adoption. For now, my prayer is simply this: "Show me the way I should go Lord, for to you I lift up my soul."
We so appreciate your prayers as we continue to walk this out. You can pray specifically for the following:
-Ethiopian Government to start processing paperwork on these children
-For all of the kids stuck in the system waiting for paperwork. There is a great need for adoption, but without paperwork, there is nothing we can do to meet that need.
-For God to be clear with what direction He wants us to take and for us to be open and receptive to His leading.
-For my heart. I am frustrated and aching for some peace in this.
-For God's provision as we now have to raise more money than we initially thought.
-And always for our boy: protection, health, favor and a sense of God's love with him.
* Also, I will be raising the amount of money that we need to raise on our thermometer to reflect these recent changes. There was actually another increase in fees with our placing agency that I will explain in another blog post. We just found out about it today along with our new wait list number.
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