What do you have?

It's been so long since I have taken the time to sit down to write on our blog. I have been telling myself for the last several months that I was going to tap out on the keyboard what God has been teaching me and I just haven't found the time to do it until now. Life is trucking along and life is good. But, I must say that writing is very therapeutic for me and I forget how much I value it. Even if I am only writing for myself here, it feels good to get what God has been doing in my heart down on paper screen. If you are reading this, I pray that it encourages you right where you are. 

I have mentioned many times that our hearts are still so for adoption and foster care. There is still such a huge need and we continue to recognize that need and long to do something about it. You see, I have had a really hard time over the last 6 months or so with the deep desire to want to adopt again or start the foster care process. Our hearts are there, our minds are there, our willingness is there, but God has made it clear that it is not to be in this season. This has been a big struggle for me!

Here I am with arms spread wide open saying "Use us God, we are here, we are willing, we have so much love to give to another child who needs a family," and yet that door remains closed for now. I have questioned why God would put these passions and stirrings inside of Evan and I and yet not provide the means to fulfill them. I've ached as I have looked at pictures of waiting orphans who need families and as I've seen the number of children in foster care right here in our community who need stable loving homes. It breaks my heart and it lights a mama bear fire in me! So, I shout out to God that I have a plan and I know He must want to follow my plan because it obviously lines up with His word to care for orphans and defend the fatherless. Ha! But, as I have learned so many times, my plans are not always His plans, even when they seem good and right.

For months I have questioned God and even at times have grown envious of those who are able to move forward in pursuit of adoption and foster care. They get to do something. They get to make a difference for these children. I sat wondering, why not us? Then one day, God spoke to my heart. I was at a home school practicum listening to a fellow home school Dad teach. He started each morning with a devotional that was meant to inspire, encourage and challenge us in our home school journey. While it was certainly applicable for that area of my life, God used it to speak to me directly regarding this particular struggle. The dad told the Bible story of Jesus feeding the 5,000. He told the part of how the disciples came to Jesus and were telling him that the crowd had been there all day and was hungry and that Jesus should send them away so they could eat (Sounded like a smart plan). But read what Jesus says in Matthew 14:13-21

Jesus replied, “They do not need to go away. You give them something to eat.”

“We have here only five loaves of bread and two fish,” they answered.

 “Bring them here to me,” he said. And he directed the people to sit down on the grass. Taking the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke the loaves. Then he gave them to the disciples, and the disciples gave them to the people. They all ate and were satisfied, and the disciples picked up twelve baskets full of broken pieces that were left over. The number of those who ate was about five thousand men, besides women and children.

Essentially, Jesus is saying here, "WHAT DO YOU HAVE? BRING IT TO ME AND WATCH WHAT I CAN DO WITH IT." Jesus did not send the people away because there was, in the disciples words, "ONLY five loaves of bread and two fish." He took what a young boy had and was willing to give (his small lunch) and he used it and multiplied it. Now, I have heard this story a million times, but that morning, in that home school practicum, it hit me like a ton of bricks right smack in the heart.

I have been frustrated, confused and saddened by the fact that God has not provided in the way that I wish that He would, in a way that I feel would honor Him while bringing a child into a family. I can't tell you the number of times that I have said, "We're willing God, but we ONLY have..." However, I realized that I was missing out on something. I was missing out on the chance to be obedient by bringing what I do have, even if it is small, even if in my mind it doesn't seem like enough and to trust God and watch Him use it. 

This was very humbling for me. I like to do big things and what we have to offer right now, well, it isn't very big. But, I knew right then and there that we were to be faithful even in the small things. God has placed a passion inside of us and He wants us to continue to use it, even in this season. He doesn't want us to waste our time asking "Why God" or saying, "This isn't what I had in mind," or feeling inadequate & frustrated with the season of life He has us in. He wants us to embrace where He has us and allow Him to work through us and in us, with what He has given us. He wants to take our seemingly insignificant "only" and be glorified through it, because HE IS ENOUGH!

So, our family is committing to saying "Here is what we have, Lord. Use it." How are we doing that? We are making it a point to be intentional in loving and supporting those who are able to adopt or foster. We are finding joy in being the village to those around us. For now, it's through something we're calling "Adoption & Foster Family Friday." The first Friday of every month, we decide as a family who we want to bless, whether it be a foster family, a family in the process of adopting, a child in the foster care system, or an organization who supports these children & families, etc. These are small acts, nothing big, nothing crazy expensive, but what we are able to give in this season. We come up with an idea of how we want to bless and we do it. We commit to praying for whomever we have chosen for the entire month. We do it as a family, making sure everyone plays a role and we make sure to talk with our children about the importance of giving what we have.

It's so fun to give and get creative with ways to bless others. While it might not make a huge impact (like feeding 5,000), we know that God can use what we are willing to bring to Him, even if just to let someone know they are loved, supported and prayed for. If anything, it is bringing joy to our hearts to be intentional about caring for others in this arena and doing what we can to continue to answer to this command of caring for the least of these. 

We do continue to pray that one day God will open the doors for us to be able to adopt again or to begin fostering. But, we are learning that even if He doesn't, we will choose to joyfully and sacrificially give what we have and know that nothing is too small for Him to use. We can all play a part in the great story of redemption that God is writing through adoption, orphan care and foster care. 

So, what do you have to bring, my friends?

I promise you that it's not too small, it's not insignificant.

 Let's all commit to bringing what we have wholeheartedly and let's watch God use our "only" in mighty ways. 

(Making a card to encourage and thank a foster family)