Refining

I could not sleep a few nights ago. Do you know when God lays something on your heart over and over and over again? Kind of like he did with the adoption thing until I couldn't contain it anymore and KNEW something had to be done. I feel like I am there again. God has been hard pressing an area of my life on my heart that really needs some work. He's been doing a lot of this since we started this adoption process. I fully believe that during this process he is going to be doing A LOT more of this REFINING in me. I think when you say "yes" to God, he starts to show you things, challenge you a bit more, asks if you are willing to take that next step with him, to rid yourself of more of you and replace it with more of HIM.

REFINE is defined as the following:
1)To free from impurities or unwanted materials.
2) To improve or perfect by pruning or polishing.
3) To free from what is coarse, vulgar or uncouth.


You see I thought I was doing my thang (that's not a typo...thang sounded cooler than thing) in my Christian walk. I am not saying that I believe that this was by my own doing, but by the prompting of the Holy Spirit and how God has changed my life and my heart through my personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I am raising my kids for the Lord, super involved in my church, host small group every week, have an accountability partner, read the Word, adopting an orphan etc.

Oh yea, I was doing pretty good with having "spiritual fruit" in my life or so I thought. I am not negating all of those things, as they are good and they are spiritual fruit, but God wants me to go deeper.  He turned me around, pointed me to a mirror and said, "My child, do you see this little area right there that you think you are so great at, it looks way too much like you and not like me. In other words, you are not doing that to the best of your ability, your mindset is not where it should be, your heart is not where I know it can be. It's going to be hard to change, it's going to hurt to give up some stuff, you're probably going to fight me on it, but if you let me peel back the layers of impurity, to free you from the coarse, my beauty will shine through. I want to polish you, prune you, refine you"

 OUCH! That hurts you guys. It hurts bad to realize that you have a lot of ugly in you, that you need to make a change. That you don't have it together, even when you think you do. That God is not ok with you being "comfortable." That you know he is giving you a challenge to step up, make a sacrifice, be different. The same issue continues to be pressed on my heart. He is moving in me and it is a hard pill to swallow.

Now let me say that as believers we are NEVER going to be perfect or there would be no need for Christ. He is not holding a check list up to make sure I am a "good" Christian in order to accept me. He loves me fully and wholly just as I am, right where I am. But he does want to sanctify me, to see me grow in my walk with him, to make me more like him. The truth is that I will never actually attain some level where I have reached the top and need to stop growing. Every day is a new one, filled with the ability to learn, to lose my life for the sake of gaining life in him, to sacrifice my fleshly desires, and be humbled by his amazing love and grace. Praise God that he doesn't want to leave me where I am, because my fullest potential is found only in him, after all, he is my creator.

This process of REFINING, it brings me to my knees. It hurts, it is humbling, it is challenging, it requires change. Sounds like fun huh? While it is tough, I KNOW that there is something wonderful on the other side, because when all the ugly comes out, what can possibly be left but beauty?



"For you O God have proved us, you have tried us as silver is tried, refined and purified."-Psalm 66:10

"The refining pot is for silver and gold, but the Lord tests the hearts."-Proverbs17:3

"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day."-2 Corinthians 4:16