A New Season: Attachment (FRIENDS AND FAMILY PLEASE READ!)

I cannot believe that we are leaving for China THIS week! 5 days and we will be on a plane heading towards our boy. I can hardly contain my excitement or my nerves. Everything we have dreamed of and prayed for the past 3 years is about to happen. It really feels surreal...maybe that is why my bags are still not packed (working on that).

I wanted to take some time to explain to you all what this next season will look like for us. We have such a supportive community of family, friends and even people we have never met. We know and trust that everyone will continue to be supportive and understanding once we are home with Maverick.

Over the last 2 1/2 years, Evan and I have gone through much training, read books & articles, asked questions, and corresponded with been there done that parents about bringing home an adopted child. We don't claim to be experts on any of this, because we have never experienced it first hand, but we are trusting in what we have learned from the experts, our agency and other families.

While we are all rejoicing over Maverick coming home, he will not be feeling the same way. As I have said before, he is about to be ripped from everything he has ever known...good or bad, it is what he knows. He has not been praying for us or wishing we would come take him to America or into our family. This is going to rock his little world! He will be confused and scared. It's going to take time for him to trust Evan and myself. We are, of course, praying for God to move in a supernatural way to form that bond fast with us, but we also know it is going to take work.

Part of building this trust is going through an attachment period called cocooning. Essentially this means that we will be keeping Maverick's world very small for a while when we get home. In order for him to learn that we are his forever family, Evan and I are his parents, we are never going to leave him, will tend to his needs and be his constant, we must establish some boundaries for a while.

What do these boundaries look like? For us, we have decided that means that we will not be leaving the house for a while and not having visitors for a time period. How long? We are not sure as that will be based on how Maverick is adjusting. That is so hard for me to type because I am such a social person and I thrive on being around my family and friends. However, we do not want to have people in and out during a very crucial time when Maverick is trying to figure out this whole family/mommy/daddy dynamic. This time period is focused on him and our family.

Evan and I will be the only ones to meet Maverick's needs. If he has a need, we will meet it immediately. In many ways, it is like having a newborn. Baby has a need, mommy and daddy meet it, baby begins to trust mom and dad. The cycle continues as trust and bonding are built over time. We did not get that time with Maverick as a baby. We have 3 years to make up for in the trust and bonding arena. This will take time and we are dedicated to sacrificing whatever we have to in order for our son and us to form these healthy bonds.

I heard it said before to think of healthy attachment as a circle that expands out. Initially, it will be the smallest circle, just our immediate family (the 6 of us). Then, once we feel like he is attached well and thriving, we will introduce the next circle in his life which would be our extended family who we are close with, a little at a time, from there the next circle would be close friends and so on. There is no telling how long it will take to achieve a healthy balance in each circle, and we are not putting a time constraint on any of them. We will follow Maverick's lead and ultimately do what is best for our family.

I realize that this will be hard, on us and on some of you. You have walked this road with us so intentionally and prayerfully. You have shared in our joys and in our struggles. You have supported us financially and through encouragement. It really has taken a village and you are our village. We are thankful for you! So, I get that you will want to be a part of his life and ours once he is home, and let me say that we want you to, it's just going to take some time. Please be patient with us! Please know that we are not trying to be rude when we have to turn down a visit or a phone call for a while. We still love you and we want you in our lives, but this is a season that we MUST be faithful to for the sake of our boy. This adoption journey does not end when Maverick is in our arms, or when that plane lands back in Louisiana. In fact, it will just be the beginning and will hold a whole new set of challenges and joys.

We are so thankful to those of you who have already planned on ways to help support us once we are home. We are excited to see so many faces of those we love welcome us and Maverick home at the airport. We can't wait to hug your neck at the end of a long trip. If you want to come to the airport and are not on our airport homecoming page, send me a message and I can add you.

We are also so thankful to all of you who have signed up to bring us a meal. I cannot tell you what a blessing this is to us and what a burden it lifts to not have to worry about cooking dinner while we fight jet lag and get adjusted. A million times THANK YOU!  If you are bringing us a meal, please be mindful to not pick up or love on Maverick. Once again, all affection needs to come from us for now. If you want to give him a gift, please give it to us and we will give it to him. Many adopted children have not learned to properly attach and therefore will go to anyone to gain favor, while others will be terrified of strangers. We don't know how he will react and that is why we take precautions and set boundaries. I know some of this may sound silly, but it is vital to attachment. Also, know that as much as we want to visit with you, long visits will have to come later on. Trust me when I say we will let you know when that time comes. While my husband is an introvert, I am an extrovert and I will need my tribe back around me as soon as possible!

We covet your prayers and encouragement as we get ready to enter into this new season of finally bringing Maverick Home! Thank you for taking the time to read this and for understanding. We love you all!

3 1/2 Years: Looking Back

We can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps
-Proverbs 16:9

I'm sitting here thinking about how our adoption journey has played out over the course of time. It has felt so long and yet I remember the start of it like it was yesterday. It has not been an easy road. We have worked our tails off in paperwork and fundraising, been excited, been discouraged, seen other families speed ahead and pass us by, been stretched,  been on our knees in prayer, felt loved, encouraged and challenged, felt supported, felt forgotten, questioned and praised. SO MANY EMOTIONS! It has certainly been a roller coaster ride, one that has made my stomach twist and turn at times and also one that I have raised my hands high and felt the wind whipping through my fingertips with excitement and expectation. But through it all, our eyes have been on HIM and we give all glory and praise to our Father, who has written this story in His timing, in His way, because His plan is always sovereign and always good, even when it is hard.

I wanted to go back and write out some of the highlights that have unfolded over the years through this adoption. It's so neat for me to look back now and see how God has worked in them, even when we felt discouraged and helpless. It makes me thankful! Thankful that He knows better than me, Thankful that He doesn't leave us in the valleys, but walks through them alongside us, then leads us up to the mountaintops. This ever constant up and down, this journey called life. He's always there!

• April 2012: Angie reads MB Chapman's Book, Choosing to See, and God starts laying adoption on her heart. She looks up Show Hope's website about grants for adopting families. Angie starts praying about what this could mean, certainly she is crazy! They have 3 kids under 3. Around the same time, Maverick is born and abandoned soon after in China.

• Spring-Fall 2012: Angie asks Evan to pray about possibly adopting a child. Evan says she is crazy and is not feeling the same way, but agrees to pray about it. Angie waits impatiently patiently as God makes it more clear to her.

• Fall 2012: Angie feels led to go on mission trip in Haiti in December. 

• December 2012: Angie heads to Haiti for mission trip and her world is rocked. Prays for God to break her heart for what breaks His. Comes home totally convinced the Spirit is moving in them to adopt. Approaches Evan about adoption again, who admits that he has not been praying, because He knows God is not going to say "Nah...Let somebody else adopt. You're good." Promises to ACTUALLY PRAY about this and seeks accountability and counsel about it.

• End of December 2012: Evan takes 2 week hiking trip on Appalachian Trail. Lots of time to think and pray. While Evan is gone, Angie writes her first journal entry to their son, because she is 100 % certain that Evan is coming home and saying "Let's do this."

• January 2013: Evan comes home from trip and confidently says "Let's do this!" Angie cries and jumps around living room like it is Christmas morning.

• February 2013: Submitted application to Lifeline Children's Services for their Ethiopia program. Open to a healthy child ages 0-3.  Home study conducted.

• February-December 2013: Insane amounts of paperwork, fundraising and training

• December 2013: Paperwork complete...Officially get on the wait list for Ethiopia at #164 (That is a crazy high number) Told this could be a 2 year wait.

• November 2014: Complete emotional exhaustion and frustration and confusion over such slow movement over the past year. Angie hits emotional breakdown. Unsure if we should stay put in Ethiopia for many more years (like 5-7 according to current movement) or switch countries or processes. Angie does obnoxious amount of research and is totally overwhelmed and burnt out. Angie and Evan agree to a season of prayer after some prompting from God and their case worker. Immediately they feel peace!

• December 2014: Agency sends us an invite to a webinar for Ethiopia families to transfer to the China program. We already know we don't qualify for China but sign up anyway. (What can it hurt?) During webinar we hear that in certain cases, waivers are offered to families willing to adopt from the special focus list (more moderate to severe special needs). We decide to apply for a waiver. If we are approved we take that as God opening the door in a new direction and we jump.

• January 2014: Approved for waiver to enter China program. Transfer to China program (Are we really doing this?) Feeling all kinds of nervous and excited! Update home study (for the 3rd time) Opened to a child ages 0-4 with special needs. By the end of the month, we are looking at our son's face and his file. We say "YES" to a sweet 2 year old with a congenital cleft palate. So in love...cannot breathe! Is this happening?

• February 2014: We submit our letter of intent to adopt Maverick and receive Pre-Approval. Lots of dancing and praising God in the kitchen.

• February-April 2015: Tons more paperwork. We find out that Maverick was in Show Hope's care for a time period while he was in the orphanage.  Show Hope will send us any information that they have on him once our adoption is complete. Apply for grant from Show Hope.

• April 2015: Maverick turns 3 in China. We send him a birthday party. First time to see him smile and get good video of him. We find out that he has lived in a foster family for the past year (Answer to prayer. That is more personalized attention and a family environment which will help him with adjustment once he is home)

• April-August 2015: More paperwork, more fundraisers, receive grant from Show Hope (the same organization that I looked up when this adventure started).

• July 2015: We connect with Maverick's foster brother's family while they are in China completing their adoption of Joshua. The boys will be able to stay in touch once home in the US. A piece of Maverick's past, always available to him!

• August 2015: We receive our official Letter of Approval to Adopt Maverick. Lots of dancing and praising God in the kitchen AGAIN. 

• September 2015: Waiting for Travel Approval.....We're coming Maverick! So in love...cannot breathe (again)! Is this happening?!?!

The Lord has done great things for us

 and we are filled with JOY!

-Psalm 126:3

This has been a long 3 1/2 years, but I KNOW God has been with us through it all. To walk down this memory lane and see how He was working the pieces together, the pieces that made no sense to us in the moment. To see how he began opening my eyes to adoption right when Maverick was being born on the other side of the world, to softening Evan's heart and confirming this call to care for the orphan, to how he grew us in our faith and what age and needs we were open to in the long wait in Ethiopia, to getting a waiver for a program that we did not qualify for, to connecting us to our sweet boy, who was actually in Show Hope's care at some point, to getting the Show Hope grant, to finding Maverick's foster brother, to bringing us here, ready to get on a plane to scoop up our little dude 10 months after we entered the China program. It's still all so surreal to me! All that I can say is THANK YOU LORD! Thank you for working on our and Maverick's behalf even when we could not see. "You're a good good father and perfect in all of your ways to us."

Fear

I cannot believe I am saying this, but we are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel...FINALLY! This has been a long, very hard journey dating back to 2012. There were days when I wondered if this adoption would ever happen. Days where no end was in sight. But I can see it now, it's so close and I want to charge out this tunnel and straight to China to scoop up our boy.

We are still going through a few steps of this process (step # 1,546...just kidding, but really), but it looks like we will be traveling anywhere between mid October and early November. Do you know how soon that will be here? Like really soon, although not soon enough! My vision of having all 4 of my kids in front of the Christmas tree, it's going to happen y'all! I mean Hobby Lobby has already put out Christmas decor. It's getting real up in here! I cannot tell you how excited I am! But, I may also be freaking out a little bit.

Christmas in August at Hobby Lobby

I think freak out is normal for the most part. I am fairly certain I did it with all 3 of my biological kids as we neared delivery. As you get closer you start stressing over everything you have to get done before the baby gets here and how you will handle life once they arrive. Nesting makes you a crazy woman!

Right now we are handling the logistics of Maverick's arrival. We transitioned the kids into a boy's and girl's room and Evan built a new bunk bed. The boys room is getting a cute camping theme and an awesome mural on the wall by my mom (pictures to come once it is finished). I am about to organize clothes and figure out how we will fit one more little person's clothing into our small closets. There are items that need to be bought like a new car seat for Maverick, items to bring to China, gifts for guides and orphanage workers, etc. Don't even mention the training that we still have to finish or the packing for 2 weeks in a foreign country while also prepping for my 3 littles that will be staying behind. 

I've had 3 kids, so you would think that this getting ready for another one would be a breeze, but somehow, my list continues to grow as does my anxiety. Will we get it all done in time? My sweet husband keeps reminding me, "just one step at a time." I've said it before, but God knew what he was doing when he paired me with that wonderful man. He balances me out and keeps me mostly sane. And the answer, yes, we will get it done, sometimes it's just hard to convince myself of that.

Last week, my anxiety was more in the form of fearing attachment or lack of attachment with Maverick. I started to think of what our family day would look like when we meet and hold him for the first time. As a 3 year old, I can only imagine how Savannah would act if she was handed over to some strangers who looked different, talked different and smelled different than her and was left with them. It would not be good! My stomach was in knots as I visualized what this meeting could potentially look like between all of us. Thinking about the pain he will feel as his world is ripped apart, the only world he knows. Thinking of how I just want to comfort him, but I don't even really know him. How we have loved him and prayed for him from afar for so many years, and how we will be total strangers to him in that moment.

I made myself sick over worrying about if he will like us, if I will still feel all the warm fuzzy feelings I have felt looking at his picture and videos from afar. The reality is, that may or may not be the case. You can truly never know what to expect until you are there. Some kids do well, some do not. Some people have that immediate connection with their child, and some do not. I am realizing it is best to go in with the expectation that this will be hard, and if it goes well, then what a pleasant surprise. 

I believe that Satan was using fear as a distraction. The work that God laid on our hearts will be coming to fruition soon. Maverick will not be an orphan for much longer. He will be with a family who loves him deeply and points him toward the only true source of love, Jesus. What a threat to the enemy. That fear was starting to get the best of me and making me wonder if we are capable of this. Of course, I would never back out, but my confidence was being shot down big time. I soon realized, that was because I was putting confidence in myself, rather than in my Lord. The honest truth is that we cannot do this on our own. God will TOTALLY give us more than we can handle. He wants us to lean into Him as our source of strength.

Philippians 4:13 says "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me."

Philippians 1:16 says "Being CONFIDENT in this, that HE who began a good work in you, will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.:

I KNOW that this is His work in us and through us to bring Maverick into our family, There has been no doubt since we started this, that God has led us here. There have been too many confirmations in the midst of these hills and valleys. I know that He will continue to walk this out with us, as we soon move to this next step and start our lives with Maverick.

The other day I read this devotional from She Reads Truth. It was a good reminder to me that even if this is hard (and it will be), even if it does not go the way I hope, God is still good. He is still sovereign and we will still give Him glory and praise and walk out what He has called us to. What a privilege it is to be His hands and feet. May He continually humble me to remind me that this is not about me or what I am capable of, it is ALL about Him! 

After sharing how I was feeling with some sweet friends and with my husband and praying through my fears, I am happy to say that God is putting my heart at peace again. Granted, when they call and tell me we have travel approval and we start booking flights, I might pass out from sheer excitement and disbelief and a tinge of fear, but I know my God goes before me and He goes along with me. I will not let the enemy steal my joy. This has been a long time coming and I anticipate seeing all that God is going to do in our lives through bringing Maverick home...finally home! 

A Brother, A Friend

I cannot believe that we are getting so close. Last week we received our soft LOA and we are currently waiting for our hard LOA to arrive in the mail. That should happen any day now and from there, we have 8-10 weeks before we are issued travel approval and can book flights to China. So much is happening right now!

We recently participated in a travel seminar to prep us for the trip, we are currently completing our last 9 hour training on post adoption issues, we are building a new set of bunk beds in order to get the rooms ready, we have turned in our final 10 update questions on Maverick and are waiting for those to come back along with the last pictures we will receive from his foster family. My head is swirling in a million different directions as I think about all that needs to be done before we leave. The reality of it is sinking in and making me excited and a little nervous all at the same time.

Last week, when we submitted our final 10 questions, I asked my case worker if we could find out any information about Maverick's foster brother. I had thought about him a lot since we learned that Maverick had a foster brother back in April when we received an update and the birthday video.  I felt this heavy burden on my heart to find out more about this child as I thought about how Maverick would be leaving him. I wanted to have access to his information in case we ever decided to go back and adopt or at least his name to give to Maverick one day. I was told on Tuesday that they found out that his foster brother was actually matched with a family who was adopting him very soon! This made my heart happy to know this little sweetie was also going to have a family. I had no clue who the family was, where they were from, when their adoption would be complete or what agency they were with.

I decided to try to do a little searching to see if I could find the family who would be adopting him. I am on a FB page with other adoptive families who are all adopting or have adopted from the same Children's Welfare Institute. I decided to post a picture of Maverick and his foster brother to see if anyone recognized him, explaining that I would love to have the boys be able to keep in touch since they were so close. After a few hours, I had no response and decided to scroll through the feed on that particular page. I came to a picture that I had liked the day before of a mom, dad and son on their gotcha day. The picture was from a distance and I could only see a portion of the child, but something in my gut told me this was Maverick's foster brother. I looked a little closer and noticed a few distinct details that I had noticed about him from the birthday video we received of Maverick back in April.

So, I took a chance and sent a message to the family, who happen to be in China right now completing their adoption. Turns out, YES, their son, who they just adopted Monday, is Maverick's foster brother. All of the emotions came flooding into me as I realized what this meant. These boys who were best friends for a year and a half and have experienced so much together, were going to be able to keep in touch once they were home in America. Had God not prompted me to dig a little and post that particular day, or look back at that picture, we may have never known. It was all a God thing!

The family has responded and they are so kind and just as excited. They even had pictures of their son and Maverick together and paperwork that said the boys were best friends. They sent the picture over to me and I sent them the birthday videos that their son is in with Mav. We are all so thrilled for this connection and hope to one day bring the boys back together. We do live far away from one another, but plan on skyping once Maverick is home.

Please pray for both of these sweet boys as one is adjusting to life with a new family and one waits for his new family. I am sure there is going to be moments of sadness as the boys realize they are not together anymore, but what a joy to know that they will be reconnected with one another very soon!

The family also told me that it seemed like the boys were well taken care of and their foster mother seems to be one of the best. That was so good to hear as I anxiously wait to go get Maverick. One of my prayers has always been that he is in a good family who truly cares for him. I can only assume she is preparing him for our arrival.

I am always amazed at how God works out little details and continues to unfold this story in such a beautiful way. I am thankful to know that we now have another piece of Maverick's story to share with him, a precious little friend, who shares a bond and a history with him that no one else ever will. What a gift!

This is the picture that the family sent me of the boys (Out of privacy and respect for the other family, I have cropped the image).. These boys really do love one another. They seem to have been together all the time. Just makes my mama heart so happy! Also, note that the boys are the same age, which shows just how tiny our little Maverick is.

Show Hope...yet again

If you have followed our story since the beginning, you may remember that it all began with another story. God began stirring my heart towards adoption after reading Mary Beth Chapman's (Christian singer, Steven Curtis Chapman's wife) book, Choosing to See. After I read the book, I flipped to the back where it listed the website for the Chapman's organization, Show Hope. One of the wonderful things that Show Hope does is offer grants to families who are adopting to help offset the expense, therefore making it possible for more orphans to be in families.

I opened my laptop and found myself on Show Hope's page. It was like I got there without even realizing what I was really doing. I had a moment of confusion as I stopped and asked myself "Why are you looking this up, you don't have any plans to adopt?" Ha! As many of you know, when you tell God you are not planning on doing something, many times He has it planned for you to do just that. So, be careful what you say!

From that point on, adoption was EVERYWHERE and eventually, God brought both Evan and I to a place where we knew that adoption was exactly what He wanted us to do. You can take a look back at our adoption video from a couple years back by Harmonic Films that recounts some of this HERE (that feels like forever ago).

Fast forward to February 2015. We had been in the adoption process for 2 years and God had made it clear to us that he wanted us to switch from the Ethiopia program to the special focus program in China. We had made the switch in January and were matched with our precious son. His file had little information in it, but, based on a picture in his file, I recognized the orphanage floor as being a Show Hope sponsored floor from a random blog I had run across a while back. Our son was now in a foster home, but I wanted to know if he was ever in Show Hope's care at some point.

I contacted Show Hope, hoping they may have some information for me, but knowing the chances were bleak. I gave them our son's name and birthdate and waited. I received an e-mail soon after confirming that he was indeed in Show Hope's care at some point and they had him in their system. Once our adoption was complete, they would be happy to send us any additional information & pictures that they had of him from his time there. I was so elated and it was yet another reminder to me that God's hand was all over this. You can read that full story HERE.

In the beginning of this process, the thought of raising the funds to cover our adoption seemed daunting. It was a HUGE amount of money and pride got in the way many times as we planned fundraisers. But, God has always been faithful and through our village (that's YOU), He provided EVERY TIME, sometimes even to the dollar amount of what we needed. He was so faithful, that I stopped stressing about the cost, knowing that even if it was slow, even if we had to do a million fundraisers, He had this! All of you have been such an amazing support and encouragement to us through these fundraisers and through your generous giving. You continually blew us away! Thank you!

Once paperwork slowed down, we decided it would be wise to apply for some grants. I always knew that Show Hope would be the first grant that we would apply for because of the history there. So, we filled out our grant application and got it submitted one day before the deadline. We prayed over it and knew that God was in control. My specific prayer was this "God, you know who needs this grant. Give it to whoever needs it most. If it is us, wonderful, if not, we praise you for whatever family is blessed by it." After we did that, I just had this gut feeling that we weren't supposed to apply for any other grants. I often questioned myself as to if that was wise, seeing as how we did still have quite a bit of money to raise. But I just did not feel the urgency to apply to any more.

We were told we would not hear anything for 90 days while the board reviewed applications. We were also told that while many families may qualify, there are limited funds and not every family would receive a grant. So, we waited...

This past Tuesday, I was cooking dinner and baking cookies while listening to the new Asian Dreamland kid's CD that I got from the library that day in honor of Maverick. I like to do little things like that to keep me connected to him. Evan walked in from work and said "We got a letter from Show Hope." My heart stopped. I knew this was going to tell us if we received the grant or not. Before we opened it, I said "God, regardless, you will provide. You know best." I knew I would be ok either way, but the excitement of possibly receiving a grant had my heart pounding. It reminded me of how I felt when I opened college acceptance letters.

The letter was long and our eyes scanned quickly trying to find an answer. Suddenly, Evan's eyes caught it. "We are pleased to inform you that you have been awarded an adoption assistance grant."

AHHHHHHHHH! Tears streamed from my eyes as we read it over and over. Like many times, before, we praised God in our kitchen (there is something about the kitchen) and stopped and told the kids the good news. Around the table, we all prayed and thanked God for Show Hope's generosity and His provision and faithfulness once again.

So, it is with GREAT pleasure to announce that our adoption is now FULLY FUNDED. Over 2 years of fundraising and saving and we are finally DONE! Phew!!!! It has been a long road, but a good road! God has never ceased to amaze me with every fundraiser and every generous person. But gracious y'all, the thought of not having to fundraise anymore...THANK YOU JESUS!

So, what is totally cool about this besides being fully funded? This adoption started with Show Hope, we connected with them in the midst of finding out who our son is, and their generosity rounded out our funding. SO COOL! Only God could work out such amazing details like that! We are so grateful to Show Hope and as always to our Heavenly Father, who has been faithful from the beginning.

To God be the glory!

Your praise will EVER BE on my lips, Lord!

For his heart

Lately, my heart has been so heavy for Maverick. He doesn't know it yet, but my heart is already connected to his all the way around the world. He is my son, and the thought of any hurt or pain coming his way makes this mama's heart hurt too. Yes,  I am deeply aching for and ready to have him home and here with us, but, I cannot stop thinking about how hard this transition of coming into our family may be on him in the coming months. Can you even imagine? Being pulled from everything you have ever known, your language,  your home, your culture, your care givers, your country, your playmates, etc. All the while, you are handed over to complete strangers who look nothing like you and speak a language that you don't understand and you are expected to just go with them. I CAN'T EVEN!!!

Obviously, this is a necessary part of the adoption process. This heart wrenching reality has to play out in order for Maverick to become part of our family, to be an orphan no longer. I long for the day when they hand him over to me. The first time I wrap my arms around him, the first time I kiss his face and sing our favorite lullaby, "Baby Mine" in his ear. There is no way to know how he will react, as every child is different. He may come willingly, he may scream and cry until he goes limp from exhaustion, he may try to get away, he may look around confused but calm, he may rest his head on my shoulder as I rock him back and forth. I will not go in with expectations of how I think he will react. I have to prepare my heart for the unexpected, knowing that his world will be turned upside down in an instant. Knowing that all that we can do as parents is to be there and love him as he hurts, and do whatever we can to let him know that he can trust us. 

I have replayed this day in my mind over and over, thinking about how we will feel, how it could potentially look, but most of all, I think about my boy's heart. Not just in that moment, but over the weeks and months that follow. We will love him well and love him with all that we are, but love isn't always enough. You know who is always enough though, my God! He is enough to heal and restore the brokenness and confusion that our boy may feel. He is enough to calm the fear and hurt. He is enough to pour out grace upon grace on Evan and I as we embrace this sweet boy into our family and learn how to do life with him, how to be his parents. 

Because He is enough, I know that I can turn to him with any burdens I have, and so I am. I am praying for our little Mav's heart now, for God to begin to prepare him to leave what he has known and step into our life, his new life. For him to be comforted and for him to be able to attach to us and trust us. For him to grow to love us as much as we love him.

We have about 6 months until we meet Maverick face to face. I know my nerves and emotions will be all over the place as we get closer. In the mean time, this mama is on her knees 7,682 miles away from her baby boy calling out to the one who sees us both, who knows us both, who created us both and who loves us both. I am so thankful for such a loving Father who carries my burdens for me when I am overwhelmed with what ifs and hard realities.  Psalm 55:22 says "Cast your burdens on the Lord and he will sustain you. He will never allow the righteous to be shaken." What a sweet balm to my sometimes weary soul to know that I am not alone in this, Maverick is not alone is this either. 

My God sees, he hears my prayers, he knows my heart and he knows Maverick's too. He doesn't want either of us to be filled with anxiety or fear, he wants us to give it over to Him, and so I am trying. Trying to trust that he is holding Maverick in the palm of his hand and preparing that sweet little man of mine for such a big journey ahead. As I trust and cast these burdens off day by day, moment by moment, I hope that sweet boy will get a sense of that and find comfort in a mama who seeks God's unending faithfulness, even when times are tough and scary and unknown. 

If you have been faithful to pray for our son, may I ask that you join us in prayer over this next season. Will you pray for peace for our little one, for all of the crazy emotions that he will feel, for him to trust and attach to us in a healthy manner, for the days leading up to our gotcha day. I so appreciate it friends. It is encouraging to know that many of you will be praying over Maverick's little heart as he prepares for this huge change.

Psalm 23 always brings a sense of peace to me when I read it. It makes me take a deep breathe in and as I breathe out, release any anxiety, fear and worry that I may have. This is the verse I think of when I pray for peace to just pour out over Maverick (and if I am honest, Evan and I too). 

Awaiting the Acronyms

I just wanted to take a minute to update everyone on where we are in the process. As many of you saw last week on our FB page, we received our immigration approval notice, which is a HUGE step towards Maverick. This gives us permission to adopt a child from a convention country. We still have a ways to go, but we are taking one step at a time and getting more and more excited (is that possible?) with every day that passes

We are trucking right along, and currently waiting for our Immigration to be authenticated here in the states and then our Dossier will be on the way to China. At that point we will have hit the next BIG step DTC (Dossier to China). This means, your entire stack of important papers with all of your personal information, home study, medical reports, and authenticated documents will arrive in China. From there it takes some time to get a LID (Log in date) which means you are officially logged into China's system. Then comes a fairly long wait (blah!) for your official LOA (letter of approval). This is a big one! If you remember, we received Pre-approval for Maverick back in February. LOA means, it is a done deal! Oh, how I cannot wait to get that letter in the mail. There are a few more steps after that before we receive approval to travel, but we will get to those later. Are all of those acronyms starting to blend together to you too? They used to be gibberish to me and now I am obsessed with them.

While some days are just plain hard to wait, I have to say that God really prepared us for this wait while we were in process to adopt from Ethiopia. That road was so long and many times frustrating, that this road to Maverick and the China process has been, well, kind of a walk in the park in comparison. God knew what he was doing! Of course He did! I think he prepared our hearts well for this stage.

The thought that our son could potentially be home before the end of the year, seems almost unreal to me. I mean, here we are in May already! We have been in this process for only 4 months and so much has happened already. So while the ache in my heart is heavy because we want our son home with us, it is also thankful for how quickly this year will fly by. I kind of have a vision that I would love to see come to fruition. My constant prayer is that I will have all 4 of my kids sitting in front of our Christmas tree on Christmas morning. I can see it in my head. It is my heart's desire! I am praying it can become a reality. Will you pray that along with us?

It does seem that Maverick is in a very loving foster family and this gives us so much peace. Being able to watch his birthday video as he sat in his foster mom's lap and she clapped his hands together as they sang, was good for this mama's heart. It kills me that someone else is caring for my child halfway around the world when I want to care for him, but it really does seem like he is well loved for now. That has been my prayer all along. When I thought he was in an orphanage, which he was for some time, I always prayed for him to have favor with his care givers. That they would truly love him and give him extra care (which is hard because you want all of those babies to be loved and cared for). Then, we found out that he was on the Show Hope floor for some time (which is wonderful) and that he has been with this one foster family for a year. God heard my prayers!

We are excited for all that is ahead. We are trusting God day by day with our boy and with this process. I know He is watching over him even when we cannot. I may be watching his birthday video over and over, just so I can see his little face everyday and feel close to him somehow. I find myself staring at the screen with the goofiest grin on my face. Thank you Jesus for birthday videos and pictures! Here are a few pictures from his third birthday, if you missed them on facebook. Seriously, I am in love!

This is the first time we have seen him smile!

He was showing that he is 3! 

On another note, we are so close to our fundraising goal. I cannot even believe it! This has been a long time coming! We may have one more event later this year to knock this out, but we are in the home stretch! We do still have a few shirts left (some sizes are not available). If you would like one, send me a message and let me know what size and style you are looking for and I can let you know if we have it.