I cannot believe that we are leaving for China THIS week! 5 days and we will be on a plane heading towards our boy. I can hardly contain my excitement or my nerves. Everything we have dreamed of and prayed for the past 3 years is about to happen. It really feels surreal...maybe that is why my bags are still not packed (working on that).
I wanted to take some time to explain to you all what this next season will look like for us. We have such a supportive community of family, friends and even people we have never met. We know and trust that everyone will continue to be supportive and understanding once we are home with Maverick.
Over the last 2 1/2 years, Evan and I have gone through much training, read books & articles, asked questions, and corresponded with been there done that parents about bringing home an adopted child. We don't claim to be experts on any of this, because we have never experienced it first hand, but we are trusting in what we have learned from the experts, our agency and other families.
While we are all rejoicing over Maverick coming home, he will not be feeling the same way. As I have said before, he is about to be ripped from everything he has ever known...good or bad, it is what he knows. He has not been praying for us or wishing we would come take him to America or into our family. This is going to rock his little world! He will be confused and scared. It's going to take time for him to trust Evan and myself. We are, of course, praying for God to move in a supernatural way to form that bond fast with us, but we also know it is going to take work.
Part of building this trust is going through an attachment period called cocooning. Essentially this means that we will be keeping Maverick's world very small for a while when we get home. In order for him to learn that we are his forever family, Evan and I are his parents, we are never going to leave him, will tend to his needs and be his constant, we must establish some boundaries for a while.
What do these boundaries look like? For us, we have decided that means that we will not be leaving the house for a while and not having visitors for a time period. How long? We are not sure as that will be based on how Maverick is adjusting. That is so hard for me to type because I am such a social person and I thrive on being around my family and friends. However, we do not want to have people in and out during a very crucial time when Maverick is trying to figure out this whole family/mommy/daddy dynamic. This time period is focused on him and our family.
Evan and I will be the only ones to meet Maverick's needs. If he has a need, we will meet it immediately. In many ways, it is like having a newborn. Baby has a need, mommy and daddy meet it, baby begins to trust mom and dad. The cycle continues as trust and bonding are built over time. We did not get that time with Maverick as a baby. We have 3 years to make up for in the trust and bonding arena. This will take time and we are dedicated to sacrificing whatever we have to in order for our son and us to form these healthy bonds.
I heard it said before to think of healthy attachment as a circle that expands out. Initially, it will be the smallest circle, just our immediate family (the 6 of us). Then, once we feel like he is attached well and thriving, we will introduce the next circle in his life which would be our extended family who we are close with, a little at a time, from there the next circle would be close friends and so on. There is no telling how long it will take to achieve a healthy balance in each circle, and we are not putting a time constraint on any of them. We will follow Maverick's lead and ultimately do what is best for our family.
I realize that this will be hard, on us and on some of you. You have walked this road with us so intentionally and prayerfully. You have shared in our joys and in our struggles. You have supported us financially and through encouragement. It really has taken a village and you are our village. We are thankful for you! So, I get that you will want to be a part of his life and ours once he is home, and let me say that we want you to, it's just going to take some time. Please be patient with us! Please know that we are not trying to be rude when we have to turn down a visit or a phone call for a while. We still love you and we want you in our lives, but this is a season that we MUST be faithful to for the sake of our boy. This adoption journey does not end when Maverick is in our arms, or when that plane lands back in Louisiana. In fact, it will just be the beginning and will hold a whole new set of challenges and joys.
We are so thankful to those of you who have already planned on ways to help support us once we are home. We are excited to see so many faces of those we love welcome us and Maverick home at the airport. We can't wait to hug your neck at the end of a long trip. If you want to come to the airport and are not on our airport homecoming page, send me a message and I can add you.
We are also so thankful to all of you who have signed up to bring us a meal. I cannot tell you what a blessing this is to us and what a burden it lifts to not have to worry about cooking dinner while we fight jet lag and get adjusted. A million times THANK YOU! If you are bringing us a meal, please be mindful to not pick up or love on Maverick. Once again, all affection needs to come from us for now. If you want to give him a gift, please give it to us and we will give it to him. Many adopted children have not learned to properly attach and therefore will go to anyone to gain favor, while others will be terrified of strangers. We don't know how he will react and that is why we take precautions and set boundaries. I know some of this may sound silly, but it is vital to attachment. Also, know that as much as we want to visit with you, long visits will have to come later on. Trust me when I say we will let you know when that time comes. While my husband is an introvert, I am an extrovert and I will need my tribe back around me as soon as possible!
We covet your prayers and encouragement as we get ready to enter into this new season of finally bringing Maverick Home! Thank you for taking the time to read this and for understanding. We love you all!
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