We were warned.......

She warned us, she said it could happen, but I just nodded and dismissed the thought as I sipped my hot tea. I remember sitting across the table from our social worker in April as we answered question after question and went through adoption education for our homestudy. Funny how God can change the heart in 4 months.

"Don't be surprised if you change your mind on the specifications of the child you want to adopt as you go through this process." We weren't going to change our mind, we had thought about this. We have 3 bio kids, now 4 and under. We knew we wanted to stay in birth order as much as possible (that is what is recommended), so we said we wanted a boy ages 0-3. If the wait time was 2-3 years, we were good to stay in birth order with those specifications.

I have mentioned this before, but this whole adoption thing is more than bringing an orphan into a family. It is a refining process for Evan and I. We have been drawn into closer relationship with God through trust, obedience, faith and love. A few weeks ago, the agency in Ethiopia (West Sands) that our agency (Lifeline) works with announced that they would be putting more focus on advocating for and adopting out the "waiting children" (children who are older and have been waiting for some time for a family). I was so proud of them and proud to be with an agency who has the right focus. While yes, there is an obvious need for babies to be adopted out, there are so many children who are literally waiting, papers ready, to be matched with a family.

The truth of the matter is that while yes, there is A LOT of paperwork and legalities to go through in an adoption that hold up the process, there is a WAITING LIST of families waiting to adopt babies. To get to the bottom of this waiting list takes 18-24 months, after the 6-8 months of paperwork. So, while babies are very likely to get adopted, many older children are waiting. Waiting for someone to love them. Waiting for someone to give them a family, a right that every child should have.

Evan and I have been very challenged by this lately. We started feeling like we should up our age bracket some. While we do not feel as though we are in the life stage to adopt a pre-teen or teenager, we do feel like we would be ok with going out of birth order by a year or 2. We have decided to bump our age bracket up to 0-6. This means that IF we were matched with a 6 year old boy, he would end up being the oldest child in our family.

When this thought originally crossed our minds, every FEAR that I could have came flooding into my mind. What about the language barrier? The culture shock? Catching him up with school? He will have already been through so much, how will that play out in his behavior? What about the safety of my bio kids? What if he has been physically or sexually abused, will he act on that? Will he feel like we have ripped him away from everything he has ever known and take it out on us? I've never had a 6 year old, how will I bond with him if I can't snuggle him like I would a baby? How long will it take for him to trust us? Will we attach? How will my bio kids feel when they suddenly have an older brother? Will he get along my bio kids? I won't know much about his past, his medical records, etc. Straight up FEAR gripped me.

I corresponded with a few families who have adopted out of birth order or are in the process and one woman's response really got to me. She said that once her and her husband prayed about it and felt confident in God's prompting to adopt and older child, they decided they were not going to allow fear to hold them back from being obedient to God. That hit me hard and this verse came to mind:

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love and self-discipline."                 2 Timothy 1:7

While yes, it is a little scary to go up in age, we know that while it may be hard, God has already given us the power to overcome that fear, press into Him and rely on Him for our strength and any difficult situation that may come our way. He does not promise the road to be easy, adoption usually isn't. However, we serve a strong and faithful God that will see us through any situation we may come across.

As of next week our social worker will be working on the paperwork to change our age bracket. Now, this does not mean that we will  for sure get a 6 year old. We will STILL go on that wait list and if the list comes to us and a 6 year old is available, then we may be matched. Or, we may still be waiting 2 years for a baby. We have no idea how this will play out or what age child we will eventually be matched with. What we do know is that we are trying to walk in obedience. This journey is not easy but God is doing some soul stirring in us and we are taking one day at a time, allowing our faith to be stretched and Him to use us for his glory. God is good and He will not leave us during this process. While fears and doubts do creep in from time to time, we are motivated by His love to push through.

Now that our age bracket is going up to age 6, I find myself praying even more knowing that our son could totally be sitting somewhere in Ethiopia right now. Regardless of his age, our prayer is for his protection and that somehow, just somehow, he would feel the love and peace of Christ and hold on until we can bring the love and peace of a family to him.