It all started with a book in February of 2012. I was looking for a good read, when my cousin passed along MaryBeth Chapman’s book, Choosing to See. I went back and forth between laughing and crying. Since I had just given birth to Savannah, I was on an emotional roller coaster, as the hormones depleted slowly from my body and I was recovering from a c-section. The book took me a while to read. Between feedings, diapers, sleep depravation and caring for a 2 year old and a 1 year old, it was a slow process. Yet, I always came back to it until I was finished.
By the time I had read MB’s story, much of it including the story of her daughter’s adoptions and tragedy that followed, God started planting a tiny tiny tiny seed in my heart. The Chapman’s had started an orphan foundation “Show Hope,” to help families with the financial burden of adoption. My cousin had expressed how she would love to adopt one day, and I would always say “I think that is awesome. Orphans need good homes and families. God just hasn’t called me to adopt.” And that is where I was at.
But after I finished that book, I looked up Show Hopes website (Why am I looking at this..I have no plans or desires to adopt?). But then, adoption started popping up on my radar..like EVERYWHERE over the next few months! I would see it in movies, tv shows, in magazines, in books, online. Had it been there before, of course, but for some reason my heart was more tuned into it. I realized that God was pressing this whole adoption thing on my heart pretty hard and I was not sure why. After all, adoption, was not in MY plan. But I should know by now that my plans don't always align with God’s plans, and his are far greater than mine ever are, so I should roll with the punches.
After I had Knox, I said I would be fine with just 2 kids, even though we always desired a big family, but I was overwhelmed and tired. Then when Knox was 4 months old...oh hello pregnancy for the 4th time in 3 years. Once we had Savannah, I couldn’t imagine my life without her. After Savannah, I was convinced that I was DONE! I said I didn’t want to go through surgery and recovery again. I had my hands full with 3 kids under 3. For months I was convinced, I WAS DONE, and Evan was good with that too. After all, if I kept having kids, we would never get out of the diaper and formula phase and by golly, I just want to go to Target without having to stick a ring pop in my kid’s mouths and pray that we could make it through the store in 15 minutes, groceries strategically placed around Savannah’s car seat, without the children bursting into screams as everyone looked at me like “Control your crazy kids woman!” Life with older kids seems so much easier when it comes to the practical stuff. We had 3, they were close in age, this was going to be GREAT! I could homeschool them all together. They would all leave the house around the same time and Evan and I could par-tay it up in about 20 years.
ENTER GOD..well, God really was always there, he just decided to throw a curve ball into my oh so perfect plan again. As time went on this past year, I couldn’t shake the adoption thing. I was nervous to tell Evan because this was never in our plan and I was worried that I was just experiencing some sort of emotional high that would fade. Well, it didn’t. It only got stronger. Then, God called me to go to Haiti and everything in me fell to pieces. I wanted to pack every child in my suitcase and bring them home. Seeing orphans face to face, their head on your shoulder, their dirty little hands in yours, scooping their only meal of the day into their little mouths will do some damage to your comfortable, hard American heart.
I came home completely confident that God was calling us to adopt. I asked Evan to pray about it, as I knew he was not hearing the same calling from God at the time. Like a faithful spiritual leader of our family, he committed to praying and seeking counsel on the subject. After some time, he said he wanted to pray about it some more, but he was beginning to realize that as he prayed “God, should we take in and care for an orphan?” There was a very unlikely chance that God was going to say “Umm..actually Evan, nah..that’s not such a good idea. Leave that orphan to someone else.” God is pretty clear in his word:
“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”
James 1:27
“Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of orphans. Fight for the rights of widows.”
Isaiah 1:17
“I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!”
Matthew 25:40
I knew that Evan would be intentional about this prayer and I knew if he honestly came back and said that this was not the right move for our family, I would trust that. As Evan went on his 10 day hiking trip in the Appalachian mountains, I just had a peace and a longing for this child (whom may not even be born yet). I began to journal to this precious life saying that I had faith God was going to continue to soften Evan’s heart towards pursuing adoption. Sure enough, when he got home, he told me that he felt confident that we should move forward with it. I couldn’t stop smiling! It was like Christmas morning. I felt relief, confidence, hope and God’s faithfulness. Adoption is such a beautiful picture of the gospel. We have been adopted by Christ. What a privilege to adopt one of his precious children into our family.
For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, "Abba, Father."
Romans 8:14-16
So, here we are! We have chosen Lifeline as our agency and based on our qualifications we will be pursuing adoption in Ethiopia for a boy ages 0-3. We would love to give Knox a little brother. I already envision them running around the house playing pirates and warriors. We have a long journey ahead as the process could take up to 3 years. We would love for you to be a part of our journey to our son. I will update this blog as often as I can with how the process is coming along. We would also really appreciate your prayers for our family.
Application complete
It’s hard to ignore what you are called to do. Glad you pursued your husband to do it. There must be a reason why you’ve been having that strong feeling to adopt. We don’t know that yet, but whoever that child may be, you’ll surely be making a huge difference in his or her life. =)
ReplyDeleteDean Glover @ Adoption Network