A Memorable Mother's Day

As you know, this past Sunday was Mother's Day. Every Mother's Day is special to me, but this one hit me hard. This was my first Mother's Day with Maverick in my arms, my first Mother's day with all 4 of my children presenting me with cards and gifts and shouting out in their munchkin voices "Happy Mother's Day!" A day to take time and reflect on the gift of motherhood. It's always adorable to see what they draw or say about me. Evan even made a video of the kids where he interviewed them about me. It was precious to watch and totally made me laugh. Kids say the darndest things, like that I remind them of Jesus only because I have long hair (Thank you, Dixie. I guess I better work on displaying more Christ like characteristics), that Maverick's favorite thing about me is hot dogs (We only eat hot dogs at birthday parties, and he loves birthday parties, so I'm guessing that is where his logic came in), that Savannah loves me because I make the "famous" meal of red beans, rice and sausage (I had no idea they were famous), and that Knox thinks I am beautiful and wants to go on an adventure with me (Way to go, Knox!). Seriously, they all said sweet things alongside the silly comments. It was a treasure of a video and I'm thankful for a husband who works hard to capture those memories for me.

Along with the gifts, stick figure cards and the sweet and funny sentiments that the kids shared about me on video, there was a moment on Sunday that cut me to the core and I wanted to share it with you. If you remember OUR VERY FIRST VIDEO that our friend, Matt, filmed for us in 2013, you might recognize the song in the background by the group, All Sons and Daughters called, "Called Me Higher." While we have had many songs apply to different parts of our adoption process and be "our song" for a given time frame, "Called Me Higher" is the one song that kind of encompasses our entire journey. Every time I hear it, I am brought back to the very beginning when we thought we were crazy but decided to step out in obedience with shaky hands and way too much paperwork and fundraising before us. It reminds me of the excitement and fear we felt, not truly realizing how long the journey to our son would actually be. It was a song that God laid on my heart to remind us to follow after him, even when it didn't make sense, to get out of our comfort zone and just obey. I have typed out the lyrics on this blog before, but I wanted to share them again.

I could just sit

I could just sit and wait for all your goodness

Hope to feel your presence

And I could just stay 

I could just stay right where I am and hope to feel you

Hope to feel something again

And I could hold on

I could hold on to who I am and never let You change me from the inside

And I could be safe

I could be safe here in Your arms and never leave home

Never let these walls down

But you have called me higher

You have called me deeper

And I will go where You will lead me Lord

Where you lead me

Where you lead me Lord

And I will be Yours

I will be Yours for all my Life

So let your mercy light the path before me

I hear that song from time to time now, but not as often anymore. But every time I do, I am reminded of God's tremendous faithfulness. That song represented trusting Him to bring this adoption to fruition, to trust that he would bring our son into our family at the right time. At that time, we were pursuing an adoption in Ethiopia, not even realizing the winding road with mountains and valleys that lie ahead, but God did. I would blare that song in my living room and in my car. It was my anthem and my cry to God. We wanted to go where HE led us. But, there were times during our journey where that song was too hard to sing, where I didn't want to sing it, because I did not understand where He was leading us and it hurt.

Fast forward to Mother's Day and we are sitting at church. Maverick likes to be held during worship, but many times he likes to walk from person to person that he knows and tell them hello. He's very social! For some reason, on this day, he wanted to be held tight the entire time and lay his head on my shoulder. I always treasure these moments because it is not often that he is still. It is a sweet time to remember just how fragile and little he is. How really, he is just a baby and still needs his mama to comfort him, especially because he never really had that before. I soak up these moments.

We are 3 songs into worship and suddenly I realize that the worship team is singing "Called Me Higher." It's the first time that I have heard it at church since we have been home with Maverick. Not only that, but it is Mother's Day and I am holding MY SON for the first Mother's Day ever. He is wrapped up in his Mama's arms, safe, loved, cherished. A giant wave of emotion rolled over me. Here I was in my church home, where we prayed so many times over him, where our church family prayed over us and even hosted a fundraiser to help bring him home and he was cradled here in my arms while God once again reminded me of his sovereignty and promises through this song, I tried to sing out, but I lost it. The sobs came hard and strong. Maverick felt my body shake and pulled back to look at me with his sweet big almond eyes. He looked at me with such concern. He whispered "Why Mommy cry?" I reassured him that Mommy was OK, but I just stared at him and tried to drink the moment in as the praise rolled down my face through my tears.

Evan happened to be preaching that morning, so he wasn't standing by us at worship and he didn't see my breakdown during the song. He came up to me later and said "I don't know how you handled holding him while that song was playing, it hit me hard." To which I replied "I didn't. I was a mess." He experienced something similar to what I did that morning, the reminder that God is good and faithful and will always provide when we give our "yes." That our son is in a family, our family. That after all the blood, sweat and tears, he was HERE, in our arms. He was with his Mama and Daddy and brother and sisters. He was in the midst of his church family. I will never forget that moment.

Psalm 68:6

God sets the lonely in families

Once we were home, I remembered the picture that I took last year on Mother's Day with my 4 kids in my lap, except Maverick was just a picture in a frame. At the time, it felt like he would never actually be in my arms. I wanted to retake that picture this year. I don't even have the words to describe the feelings that well up in my soul when I look at these 2 pictures side by side. That song, this picture, they are some of my Ebenezer stones, things to look back on and remember how God carried us through. How He's always there and He has always been there. He's always working, even when we don't see it or feel it. It might look different than how we first imagined, but it is good y'all, so good!

1 Samuel 7:12

Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer, saying "Thus far the LORD has helped us."