Crying out today

As I am doing this online education and reading material, the ugly side of adoption is really getting to me today. I mentioned in a previous post how you may never fully know what kind of behavioral issues, psychological issues and physical issues your child may have due to their circumstances before they come home. I am reading stories of children who were physically abused, sexually abused, left in their own feces, staring at blank white walls all day, not being held or touched and it is making me sick. Infants who were strangled and almost suffocated and I want to scream and cry. I am not saying that this happens to every orphan, but it is reality and it DOES happen.

Today my heart is heavy for my son. I HATE not being there to protect him and cuddle him from his first breath. Not being able to stare into his little eyes and tell him that his mommy will love him forever and take care of him. I know that time will come, but in the mean time, I am scared. I am scared of what may happen to him before we get to him. I am scared of someone hurting him. I am scared of him not feeling loved. As a parent, you want what is best for your child, to never let them know the bad and the ugly of this world. He may not even be born yet (I'm not sure). He may be in his birth mother's belly right now being formed by the hand's of God. I don't know where he is right now or what he is enduring or what he will endure once he is born, but today, I am struggling with it. I don't like the unknown when it comes to my children. I don't like not being there to comfort. I don't like the thought of harm or neglect coming to one of my babies.

I also KNOW that fear is not of God. That he wants me to fully trust him, to give my anxieties and my requests over to him. I know that his hand is on our little guy.

Philippians 4:6-7 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

 I just feel a DEEP need right now to cry out to God and ask him to PROTECT our son. Will you pray that with me today please. Pray that no physical harm or abuse is brought upon him. Pray that his little mind and heart are protected. Pray that he has a good caretaker in the orphanage who holds him, tends to his needs and interacts with him. Pray that his nutritional and medical needs are met. Pray that even while he is in the womb (if he is not born yet) that he will be growing strong and healthy.

Thank you friends for taking time to cover our little guy in prayer. For standing with this helpless momma to call out to our Maker on behalf of a son she has never met. He knows him, he knows his situation, he knows my heart and he knows the plans he has for him.

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

If you have not watched this video on our "Why Adoption" tab up top, I encourage you to take a look at it.