Beauty from Ashes

I cannot even begin to express to you how excited Evan and I are about becoming that sweet boy's parents. I look into those big brown eyes and I just want to let him know how precious he is, how much he is loved, how much he has been prayed for. I love that one day, he will call us Mommy and Daddy. What an honor, what a privilege to be his parents. This baby boy deserves the kind of love that only a mommy and a daddy can give. That unconditional love. We cannot wait to be that for him. To wipe away his tears, to kiss his cheeks, to snuggle him close, to give him security that we are not going anywhere, that he will never be alone, to let him know he is safe and he is loved and he will be cared for, to encourage him, to help him grow, to share the good news of the gospel with him.

While all of these things make us so excited as a family, we cannot forget that our excitement stems from tragedy. Our gain of a son, comes from the loss of a family somewhere on the other side of the world. When my heart was stirring almost 3 years ago to care for the orphan, his birth mom's heart was likely stirring over what she would do when this sweet boy was born. I can only imagine the thoughts that were swirling through her head as she placed her hand on her belly as it was swollen in preparation for this beautiful soul to enter the world. The thoughts that she had as she held him for the fist time and looked deep into his eyes. Adoption is such a beautiful picture, but it comes from such a hard and sometimes heartbreaking place. Nothing about it is easy, on either end.

We don't know much of our Maverick's history and what we do know, we will save for him. We know he is a fighter though, growing up in an institution for the majority of his short life, all while having a physical special need. This adoption is bittersweet. I love this little guy and I have never even met him. The thought of being able to love him for the rest of my life makes my heart sing, but to know that he has not had a family for so long, makes my heart rip to pieces. No one wants their children to experience loss or pain. It makes my heart break that for whatever reason, his birth family felt like they could not care for him or that he would possibly have a better chance in an institution. These are things that he will one day ask about, one day wrestle with. We will be there to support him and work through those questions with him as best we can. But there will always be that sense of why? and what if?

I think about his birth mom, what was going through her mind that day? What is she thinking now? You don't forget a child, and I know she likely has his face burned into her memory, into her heart. I can only imagine that there must be a sense of pain and loss there, even if she thinks her child is better off now. As a mom, my heart goes out to her. I pray that she will experience the joy and love that only Jesus can offer her. That if she feels regret or guilt, that God will give her peace and somehow let her know that her baby boy will be ok. He will be loved so very much. He will have a family.

That little face up there, comes from a hard place. I never want to gloss over that, or focus so much on our gain, that we forget his loss. Even though he is so young, things will likely surface over time as he decides to ask about them. We want to be sensitive to those things and keep open communication with him about them. We will celebrate and we will mourn together. That precious face, the one that is now etched into my soul, he has been through so much already and this journey for him will not be all balloons and excitement. When we bring him home, he will be pulled from the only life that he has ever known, into a family who looks different and speaks different. He will fly halfway around the world and have to adjust to life in America, life in our family. There will be many challenges ahead, for us and for him. This will be hard, and we expect that. But, we will do it TOGETHER, as a family. No matter how hard it gets, we will be his constant and God will be ours. Beauty from ashes, redemption from loss, but never ever forgetting the cost.

This verse has been one that God has spoken to me a lot lately as we switched from Ethiopia to China, and now I pray it over our little guy.  God is about to do a new and mighty work in his life and we are so grateful that we get to be a part of that! To God be the glory!